The Untitled Film

Heres the start of a screenplay Im working on:
Let me know what you think?

UNTITLED FILM

By Mark Francombe

INT.DRAWING ROOM.NIGHT

In a “well to do” drawing room, 15 naked people eat jelly

BOB
…and I said to him, what a
twat… and he punched me in the
gullet!

HENRY
I hope you killed him!

BOB
I didn’t have time, Mary chopped his head off with a spoon

HENRY
Silver?

BOB
No, stainless steel.

Both men laugh…
track to other end of table where two women are snogging passionately.

WINSTON
Look at Lady Batford go! Its the
Salt you know, makes her crazy for
other people saliva!

LADY BATFORD
(COMING UP FOR AIR)
Whats that Winston? Do you want a go too?
HENRY
Well yes please… if its not to
much bother…

LADY BATFORD
Not at all, (shouts) Jeeves!!!

JEEVES THE BUTLER
Yes Ma’am?

LADY BATFORD
A toothpick if you will, little
Jenny here seems to have a bit of bacon stuck in a molar!

JEEVES THE BUTLER
Yes Ma’am..(He departs)

Pull focus to foreground item on table, it is a small white mouse with a red and gold coat on. The mouse nibbles a book.
We track in super close. It is the bible on the first chapter. we can read…
“In the beginning was the word…”
Due to mouse nibbles the last letter is missing, and we can
see the letter M behind, therefore the sentence reads:
“In the beginning was the worm…”

CUT TO

EXT.THE SEASIDE.DAY

CU worm, being sucked into a heavily made up mouth, lips smack and a napkin is politely dabbed at the corners, the camera pulls back to reveal a fat lady in a tight pink swim suit on the beach…

FAT WOMAN

What are you staring at?

Two small boys run off…

BOYS

Mummy, Mummy… theres a fat lady eating worms…

Camera pulls back further, revealing a camera crew

FAT WOMAN
Where were we? Well.. yes…
Berlin.. You see Tarquin always felt jealous of THEM,

(she makes exclamation points in the air.)

they didn’t really fit in the
“circle”…

(she makes exclamation points in the air again.)

We were all so creative and free, in and out of each other rooms, fucking like rabbits, never getting anything really done of course, just nonsense really, and then, along “they”

(exclamation marks)

…come, all supercilious and aloof, covered in paint they were, like oh god… “proper artists!”

(exclamation marks in the air again… )

so.. well … we did our best to ignore them of course, but, they were just so damn… attractive…like two fucking aloof supercilious peacocks…. pea… cocks….

(laughs)
Pea.. cunts!!

(laughs uncontrollably for 1 minute) pause

Worm?

She pulls a worm from out of a small round plastic fishing tackle box, offers it to camera then sucks it in…

INT.THE PRESERVED BRAIN

A white screen, but from far off comes a small crowd of people, and we realize that its actually an unfeasably large white space… there is constant chatter, they are all dressed as businessmen and women, and all are talking on phones.

Cut to close in amongst the crowd, camera turns wildly to the people to left and right, and their conversations are made audible…
MAN ON LEFT

…totally unacceptable, we cant go with it until .. well until they do.. idiots, dont they realise its MY money on the line here, its not a blasted picnic

MAN ON RIGHT

…but thats not it at all, I wasn’t late, I wasnt, I just dropped into the club for a second to say hello to john, but no, he wasnt there,
love, love, I know I was going to dinner with him, it was arranged, we were going to chinatown to have sushi, I didnt know he wouldnt be there…

MAN ON LEFT

… well DO THEY FIT?
(shouting)
What the hell do you mean? If you push them? You have to push them?
DO THEY FIT? its a simple fucking question! Have I spent 25 million dollars on a shipment of 2 billion urethane slip rings only to discover that they only fit
(shouts)
if you push them? ..
OK OK… I am calm…OK… no biggie..
So how is the Queen taking it, is she happy? Well I should think so,
(shouts again)
seeing as she just made 25 mill selling 2 billion to a idiot…

(fade out)
MAN ON RIGHT
OK so I wasn’t meant to catch you with the milkman… I’m sorry alright, but I don’t really know why I am apologising here, I came home early, isn’t that allowed? So…?…
And…? What is your point?

BOTH MEN TOGETHER…

But sushi is Japanese food, not Chinese…

Lights cut out

MAN ON LEFT
What happened?

MAN ON RIGHT
We just have to wait… it sometime happens when they are angry…

BUSINESS WOMAN
Are they angry?

MAN ON LEFT
I don’t know.. I think so..

BUSINESS WOMAN
Shit… I left the kids with mother.

INT.A LONG CORRIDOR IN SHIT MANOR.NIGHT

A long wood paneled corridor, JEEVES THE BUTLER walks slowly carrying a silver tray on which is a small white saucer, on which is a white paper doily, on which is a toothpick.
Camera backs slowly down the hall, Jeeves follows. The sound of partying is heard from a long way off.

JEEVES THE BUTLER
(To Camera)
My name is.. Tarquin Raymond Frederik Belle-Savage….

pause Walks for one minute…

Jeeves indeed…

spits…Walks for one more minute…

I’ll give them Jeeves…

He stops walking, Camera cuts to behind him, and we see he now stands in front of some huge ornate double doors…
Slung over his back is a Uzi sub machine gun.

JEEVES THE BUTLER
Fuckers…

He enters… and closes the door behind him.
First Silence and then the sound of the sub-machine gun, and many people screaming is heard…

fade to black

EXT.BERLIN WALL.DAY

Title CARD “Berlin, 5 years earlier”

…to be continued

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Musician, Filmmaker, Game-designer & Kipple-monger